Wondering

okay. so i was just contempating in my room when i just thought, maybe there is a really clear rule that tells you that you musnt fall for friends. so i texted my bestest girlfriend of what i just thought and she says its about time i think about it. then i started telling her that i was having thoughts that if im going to have a boyfriend again i would want an older and more mature guy this time. then i also said to her that i was having a crush with this guy i am working with at my ojt. and to tell the truth, the guy’s so hot and actually my type! its just that hes almost double my freaking age. so it made me have some really bothering thoughts as usual.

but seriously i do think i would want a more mature and responsible guy this time. im not looking for perfect but guess what, i wont settle for average. and i am saying that i really wouldnt want to fall for a friend ever again.

PRIDE

so i failed chem…. and this is where the story starts. well i am not one of those people who are used to failure so its such a big and painful blow for my pride. I am not a person being ruled by his pride, but i have specific things that are really going to get me if it gets trampled upon.

i accepted the fact that it was my fault and noone else’s. what i cant swallow in this situation is that i really let my parents down. that is just one thing that would make the weight of what i feel a lot heavier. 

so i am really swearing this. this is the first and the last time i am going to have a failing mark. well i surely beleive that once a person learns from his mistakes he wont make that same mistake again.

sorry but i have to say this.

ok so ganito kasi yan. im a good friend pero theres like an extent lang na pwede kong maitolerate yung mga kagagahan nya. anu ba its been THREE LONG YEARS  di ako santo na hindi magtatampo at mag rereact ng masama kung nafefeel ko na, na hindi mo man lang pinapahalagahan yang sarili mo. mahal kita. pero hindi kita makakausap ngayon. masyado na akong naubusan ng masasabi sayo.
wag mo ng hayaan na saktan ka pa nya. matutu kang magmahal ng iba. napakadame pa dyan. at ALAM mo ang DAHILAN kung bakit hindi pwede kayo maging kayo. WALA akong karapatan na magsalita sa love or anything because i know that i still have a lot to learn at masyado akong mabilis magkagusto at magsawa sa isang tao. pero ito ang alam ko. kahit mahal ko ang isang tao, hindi ko sya hahayan na saktan ako ng sobra pa sa kaya kong matngap. ciguro nga d q pa naramdaman ang naramdaman mo para dyan sa taong yan. pero i think and feel that i can distinguish LOVE from OBSESSESSION.
matawag mo man akong masamang kaibigan dahil tatalikdan kita kung kelan mo ko kelangan, pero matatawag naman din kitang ganun. hindi mo ba naisip na nasaktan din anamn ako nang hindi mo man lang pinakikingan yung mga payo ko. at hindi mo man lang ba naisip na sadyang pinagisipan at hinugot ko pa un sa kasulok-sulukan ng puso ko para lang may maitulong ako sa yo.
baka magkaroon ng oras n kainin ko lahat ng sinasabi ko dito. pero just let me vent this out. because i had enough of this crap.