the contemplation… part 1

Keri Hilson - Knock You Down ft. Kanye West & Ne-Yo (Keri Hilson Ft. Kanye West & N Keri Hilson)

if u may ask kung bakit may part 1 ang post na to, sasagutin kita na its because this may take a lot of time o do. lol. labo right. peero here we go.

the thing is, if you read the post  just before this here is some sort of continuation.

im not the kind of person that is brave enough to face something that i know that may hurt me. im not that strong. or whatever that you may call it. i decidd that maybe being just friends with animeboy would be better. and swear to god if i want to just stay friends only to keep a sane environment. pero ang mahirap, mnsan hindi natin alam at hindi natin sinasadya nahuhulog na pala tayo hindi pa natin alam. at minsan ang msama sa pagkahulog na yon ang babagsakan pala natin ay isang matigas at amalmig na semento, dahl ang inaasahan nating maaring sumalo sa tin ay wala doon.

naks lalim ng tagalog ko ngaun right. hahaha. it happens once in a lifetime guys so bear with me. 

what i may do in the future may be called “self preservation” or “shield” from what i amy feel if things may not go where i want it.

hindi ako bingi, hindi naman ako sobrang slow, nagbibingi-bingihan lang, at pinipigil ang pagtatak sa uta ng lang bagay so that hindi naman ako mabaliw sa kakaisip. hahaha grabe ang labo ko talaga.

if this is punishment for sins and mistakes tha i have done before maybe i do deserve this. but f this is just a test let this end. i may be tough but im not that strong. 

i never hought i would fall this far.i thought i could stop myself from doing so, but the thing is that i couldn’t. and t may be too late.

kasi naman sinubukan ko magkagusto sa iba. but then i feel indifferent towards that person in the process,or indifferent maybe too harsh lets just say that i started loathing him. 

i tried. but he let me down as well. i thought that maybe he could be the one i could trust and share my secrets and feelings. problems and thoughts, alon with my joys. pero he let me down and yes we are talking about “diner boy”.

sa labo at gulo ng pinagsasbi ko dto. an ou still cope up. LOL

anime boy. he fits perfectly into my world the only thing is he dont want to go that world. and yeah, i maybe a bad person if im gonna say that YES, i envy those who are close to you,those who you trust, those who you share your life with.

dinerboy. i thought he would be nice. but i waswrong i started loathing him in the time i was with him. not to the point that i cant stand to be wih hi and share a laugh. its just that i cant brng myself to tust him anymore. after you spll my secrets. after you made fun of what i thought was a serious talk. sorry.

this post is a random thing. i may eget posting it afterwards. pero i just need a place where i could let go of what im feeling. its too much. 

after this you may think that im selfish, self centered, territorial and every thing that may come with those definitions. but i jst want some happiness. because soeimes everyime i thnkthat i have a chance in getting it. it simply skps away from my and. and i cant get a hold of it again.