sigh…

hindi ko alam, pero pagod na ko sa mga ginagawa ko sa buhay ko. seryoso lang ha. pwede ba na minsan seryossohin naman ako ng mga tao. wala na kong magagawa kung eto na talaga yung personalidad ko. 

i just lost the appetite to eat.

talk about dogs being killed while eating. THAT IS JUST F*CKING HARSH!!!

 well here’s the story,my aunt started thsi conversation regarding neighbors and tenants leaving the place and stuf. then suddenly my mom related that some meat dealers sell dog meat in place of goat meat, and i was “whoa seriously?!”. then they proceeded on talking about how the neighbors just sold off their dog  just because they can’t bring them to their new homes. and with that resulting to dogs being killed and eaten by those who prefer to eat them. and i mean WHAT THE F*CK?!

house dogs, guard dogs, pets and dogs in general are raised to guard people’s houses, and for me, it is just reasonable that they fed well and be taken care of properly, just as much as they guard our houses. you don’t pay dogs to guard your house, they do it in exchange of food and shelter. they are supposedly called man’s bestfriend. but why the hell do some people tend to like eat them. i am not being prejudiced or something, i might as well just say that i still do have some of my own morals and standing. and i think that is unfair. and if i remember well, a professor once said that it is truly unsafe to eat dog meat. though you are just gonna taste it, there are still some chances you’d get in trouble because of it.

and it’s just that, i simply it is UNFAIR! dogs are not food okay. it feels barbaric to do that. and when talking about it while eating, seriously, for me i just couldn’t eat my share. damn

Ang mga Komiks.

natuwa aq nang nakita ang isang komiks na binebenta sa national bookstore nung nakaraang taon. kase medyo matagal an din ako hindi nakakabasa ng komiks na gawa ng pilipino para sa pilipino. napacin ko kase na mas madame ang may interes sa mga “nakakakilig” na palabas at panuorin sa telebisyon at mga theatro kesa sa mga ito.

natuwa talaga ako, dahil mahilig talaga ako magbasa ng mga comics, at isa ito sa mga kadahilanan kung bakit ako natutong gumuhit.

kaya ng nakita ko na may bagong edisyon ang binabasa ko na yon, binili ko kaagad kahit medyo kulang na ang dala kong pera, bute na lang kumasya pa. at kung hindi ko pa nabanggit ang pangalan ng binabasa ko na komiks na yon, ang pangaln nun ay “TRESE”.

it’s a story about a lady that’s protecting her city from felons that haunts it, and these felons are not just your ordinary bad guys, cause they are those that haunts your dreams when we were kids. those that came from the horror stories and the fantasy world world that we have so much heard about before.

sadyang nakaka-interes and story ng trese, not to mention the artwork. it’s been a while since i saw a nicely done story with good art that comes with it. kase marame na akong nabasa na mga comics, manga, at kung anu-ano pa, at masasabe ko na sadyang marame ang may nagawang storya pero kaunti lang talaga ang sadyang may kasama ding magandang artworks.

kaya yun, sa sunod kong punta sa bookstore, maghahanap na talaga ako ng magandang mababasa na comics, matalagal na talaga din nung huli akong bumili ng comics e, medyo lahat nasa net lang, at hinde naman nabibili dito sa Pilipinas. kaya yun, natuwa ako ng may nakita akong mga pilipino na nagsusulat at gumuguhit pa ng comics.

alam mo yun???

alam mo ba yung feeling na gustong-gusto mo mag-yosi dahil super nastre-stress ka na? kase ngaun nararamdaman ko na naman yun e. honestly speaking, nakaka-badtrip talaga ang mga tao na nagsasabe ng oo sa isang bagay tapos magca-cancel na lang din naman pala. thank you ha, napa-asa pa ko. edi sana, sinabe nyo na lang agad na hindi, para sana hindi na ko nag-expect.

CRAP! this is non-sense venting i say.

Is this Pre-Birthday Depression?

I noticed that these past three years i tend to get really moody, depressed, cranky, and all the every possible worst moods you’ll ever get. i dont know, it’s just that when May starts to come around the corner, i always ends up not being in the mood. And these past three years it had gotten worse. 

I like birthdays, but the thing is i don’t really like mine. and i don’t even have a special reason. I like the day because it is my bithday but having to deal with all the preparations, it makes me sick. I don’t like planning, cause it is one of my biggest flaws. And honestly I don’t like being treated special just because it is my birthday, and after that, evrything will go back to how it was. It makes me feel  a little bit off.

well, i hope everything will go well on my party next  week, cause i have been having doubts that all that i have invited will come. i just wishh they would. but in the same time, i am not really expecting. it’s just that i just want to spend that day with all the people that are important to me.

twilight.

if only I’d knew that there will be a graphic novel about it. i would have had bought this first. cause i know, i am such a sucker for graphic novels, comics and mangas.

oh how i wish i could start to have my allowance by may so that i could buy this book. and for the record i just don’t go for the story, i also go with the drawing on this one, and that i honestly think that this is a better version than that of the movie.

here’s a few things that just gets to my nerves.

i mean this could be shallow and all, but being committed a few times just pisses me off.

     1. saying they will accompany you, then at the last minute ends up telling that they have something else that is “REALLY” important to do.

     2. when you are sitting together with a friend, talking about something really important, then suddenly a person he knows came over and youre completely forgotten.

     3. people trying to butt in with your life as if they really know what’s going on, and making rash judgement.

     4.  trying to make you weight who is more important, them or your other friends.

     5. being told that you are selfish because for once you wanted something that would do a little more favor to you, when at the first place almost everytime that you went out it is at their favor.

     6. being assumed as someone taht you are not, just because of some of your beliefs.

     7. trying to favor others acquintances just because they are the “populars” rather than your own freaking friends. 

 :well i’m just trying to clear some thoughts in my head. cause seriously, some people just don’t get the picture. 

i know i am such a sarcastic person, but seriously some petty things just get me more than those big drastic ones.

i went to mangafox today.

and seriously ALL the Yaoi manga i was about to read just disappered! they are gone! i tried refreshing, opening a new browser and even changing browsers but hell it wont come out!

so i looked over at the forums and to my utter and complete disappointment, i read thread that say mature contents are not available at mangafox.

And right now i am so pissed by that. i mean come on?! oh well, i think i would go back to downloading mangas once more. crap

but hell i wish it’s just a glitch or something

GOSH!

i just saw something that made me thrilled and kind of shocked. I MEAN seriously?! LOL

i’m over the depressing slump.

yey for me.

after a few days and weeks of being such a moping  and irritative person. finally i used up all of my energy for it. and here’s what, i seriously say that DRAWING and PAINTING does help to lift you up from it.

yeah, it hurts that this time i really have to let go, but see telling him about my feelings was no regret for me. because it made us rather closer and somehow we became better friends. and right now I AM THANKFUL for that (at least we didn’t get awkward or anything with each other).

so yeah, i am (not) saying i’m over him, i am just saying i am so over the depressing feeling of utter rejection and stupid crying.

just a thought.

when i’m working on my drawings or paintings at home, seriously i look like a dork.

my hair is messy, my clothes have some stains in them and i really don’t care. LOL

i built up a world of magic…

’cause my real life is tragic. 

i want change in my life but i don’t know where to begin.  i can smile warmly but not open-heartedly. but se, i am gonna make a change somehow.and that will prove to all that i existed and walked my life here on earth.

please just don’t ruin my birthday.

yeah, i’m gonna invite you, but dear just don’t go ruining it for me. cause if you do, i swear i’ll make your life a whole lot miserable than you might imagine.

it’s time to walk away.

i really wish that you would be mine. but no matter how i try to show my love for you, you never bother to look at me. when i saw you today, i suppressed a really big smile, because no matter how much i smile for you i can’t see you smiling back at me.

yeah this is crap i’m saying, but see i dedicated every single one of this crap to you, cause this crap i’m saying is what i feel.

and no matter how much i put an effort to be strong upfront, i just can’t help but breakdown cause i can’t have you.

i had a haircut. :)

the decisions that were made are one that should stay for good.

ps: and if you knew me before, a haircut certainly means a new change.

i hope someday you’ll know that you belong with me.

i thrist for it. i crave with my blood to have it. and you know what, you are the “it” we have all been talking about.

it always comes right back to you.

tomorrow, we will see each other again. and all you think of me is a friend. i know i’m asking for too much for everything to be given to me. but all this time, you are all i ever wished for. and tomorrow my heart will bleed again just to be able to smile at your face.

i just realized something.

this could be taken silly, harsh, or something. but i realized that, whenever people asked me something and they are just the acquaintances that you inevitably and coincidentally have, sometimes for me their opinions don’t really count.

like for example, vices i have, if i’m with them i won’t stop it less pressure me from doing so. and i hate people nagging me. but you see when it comes to my bestfriends, they just ask me once and i could really tolerate it.

i wanna say that i’m not weighing anybody’s friendship or company, but sometimes i think it really comes to a point where you just pick those people that matters to you, cause you are so tired of being carelessly branded and looked down to. and that only their opinion do matter, and even when you are surrounded by people who just befriends you for benefits they will have, you will only think of what they said to encourage you.

(ps:cross-posted with my other blog)