HONESTY has serve me well

ok so here’s the deal. last thursday, JULY 16,  went to libis to pass some papaer for my nternship with RD. so i wsnt eally excited the nigh before because i have to deal wth jerome’s venting of frstration the night before. so it was raining hard and it’s starting to get a little floody. so we went to libis via the lrt. there we talked about a lots of stuff. hahahaha. we drop off gate way then we just took a cab to get to mdc. and we had a surer oops momentbecause the cab that we were about to ride still had a passenger inside and we opened the door and we were all like “whoa!”. and end up laughing really hard. then when we got to libis we were like both sort of geting soaked by the rain. and we passed our papers and we left. 

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Wondering

okay. so i was just contempating in my room when i just thought, maybe there is a really clear rule that tells you that you musnt fall for friends. so i texted my bestest girlfriend of what i just thought and she says its about time i think about it. then i started telling her that i was having thoughts that if im going to have a boyfriend again i would want an older and more mature guy this time. then i also said to her that i was having a crush with this guy i am working with at my ojt. and to tell the truth, the guy’s so hot and actually my type! its just that hes almost double my freaking age. so it made me have some really bothering thoughts as usual.

but seriously i do think i would want a more mature and responsible guy this time. im not looking for perfect but guess what, i wont settle for average. and i am saying that i really wouldnt want to fall for a friend ever again.

i think i am starting to like you…

do you sometimes feel that life played a really big and crazy joke on you?

well, right now it feels that way. 

here’s the catch…

i used to like this guy. then, while i was having this crush with him i was getting closer to another guy that i could really tell that is one of my best friends. let’s name the first one as D and the second one as J. 

I really like D up to now, but i know i cant have him. then there’s J. we always eat dinner together its not something that is really arranged or something it simply became a habit.

so J starts telling you “pano na yan pag ma-in love ako sa’yo?” out of the blue, and all the other stupid stuff he could think about like, ” anu gagawin mo pag hinalikan kita?” . What would a girl with a friggin broken heart feel. So we became closer… but you know what at that time i couldnt even think of an answer cause i didnt really consider it. for me he was just a friend period. 

we are like each others shoulder to cry on. a friend that can be relied on through tough times. someone you can share anything. someone you can do anything with.

so what if something’s starting to arise from this heart and emotions that are mixed up and confused got build up? where does that leave us?

but if you think that that was the catch of everything let me tell you this, i both accused them of being gay. and whats worse is that i told them(D and J) that i thought they were a couple.

well what a messed up thing right? lets just wait up for next time to see what happens….

why did i create this blog?

 why did i create this blog?…

hmmm… one of the reasons is privacy, i have other blog accounts but i want something new and a little private. the next is that i want to have a little space. and this site offer a more personalized domain. I also  need a little place to let myself out.

so… while creating this account i was really into to edge of typing out the words i want to say for a long time…

the thing is that the start of this year is really bad for me… especially my luck. last week has been one of the worst week ever for me. it all started with pictures that have been erased without your knowledge, getting a head on encounter with what you are trying to avoid, getting a call from a person you are trying to run away from. that will just get you and  i was really stressing over petty matters and i was feeling crap.

badluck in love life, schoolwork, family problems, unfriendly encounters, lossing the sense of belongingness.

i might say that if i am the one who will read this blog, i would also say that this is just too shallow. but try having it for a whole week straight ang still counting it. wont you feel pissed off, cheated and just plain wrong.

i love taking snapshots of people and pictures of me with my friends. but when you dont even have a copy of a recent photo you just took and that photo is with someone you really like… grrrr… that is just so great and fabulous! harhar

im a pretty territorial person, my being an only child might explain that part, but i just cant get territorial over something that isn’t yours.  i have someone, a friend, i like him to the point i cant loose him. almost everybody already know that i like him, and i feel that what i feel for him is much deeper than what i am willing to show. but having a friend that almost fell the same way as you do for that someone, will make you put on your brakes. then you would know, that the guy already have a special someone that he is just isn’t willing to let you know. damn thats just too great. then a friend will start teasing you about what you feel and everything will just get too complicated.

then everything will just become pretty unfair. wont you feel that the world is making fun of you? wont you feel that karma has been multiplied over a threefold? wont you feel cheated by fate? 

this post is going nowhere, its just a need to vent out and feel a little calmer. oh! and wait i just want to share that i cut my hair yesterday. one of the ways i feel that my problems might go away.