it’s time to walk away.

i really wish that you would be mine. but no matter how i try to show my love for you, you never bother to look at me. when i saw you today, i suppressed a really big smile, because no matter how much i smile for you i can’t see you smiling back at me.

yeah this is crap i’m saying, but see i dedicated every single one of this crap to you, cause this crap i’m saying is what i feel.

and no matter how much i put an effort to be strong upfront, i just can’t help but breakdown cause i can’t have you.

i had a haircut. :)

the decisions that were made are one that should stay for good.

ps: and if you knew me before, a haircut certainly means a new change.

am i reading too much between the lines…

so after clas just now, we went to chill at my cribb. well we had random talkings and some jokes. well the thing is i kinda feel that i am seeing something between the words they are saying. but how should i know. LOL

but whatever i still like YOU  ♥

lets just all live fo he now boys and gals. 

 love lots xoxo

aileen

i got nothing to do but blog.

so guys. as the title say ive got nothing to do but share my life to the whole net.

i received this group message from anime boy. i mean. this really suck cause it just makes you feel that you got punched right at ur face. and here it is.

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HONESTY has serve me well

ok so here’s the deal. last thursday, JULY 16,  went to libis to pass some papaer for my nternship with RD. so i wsnt eally excited the nigh before because i have to deal wth jerome’s venting of frstration the night before. so it was raining hard and it’s starting to get a little floody. so we went to libis via the lrt. there we talked about a lots of stuff. hahahaha. we drop off gate way then we just took a cab to get to mdc. and we had a surer oops momentbecause the cab that we were about to ride still had a passenger inside and we opened the door and we were all like “whoa!”. and end up laughing really hard. then when we got to libis we were like both sort of geting soaked by the rain. and we passed our papers and we left. 

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the one that got away

read this from a friend’s blog and i cant help but mak a post it myself

The One that got Away

Source: The Manila Times
By: Mark J. Macapagal
In your life, you’ll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There’s the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you’re with ?and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it’s that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn’t fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without realizing it? When you’re not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn’t matter who you’re with, it just doesn’t work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become deal breakers simply because you’re not ready and it shows. It’s not that you and the person you’re with are no good; it’s just that it’s not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you’re ready. You really are. And when this happens you’ll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it’ll work because you’re ready. It’ll work because it’s the right time and you’ll make it work. And it’ll make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you’re finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you’ve become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there’s no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you’re single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn’t matter.

All you know is that you’ve changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.

You’ll think about them because you’ll wonder, “What if they were here today?” You’ll wonder, “What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?” That’s what the one that got away is. The biggest “What if?” you’ll have in your life.

If you’re married, you’ll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you’re mature enough to realize that you’re already with the one you’re with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you’ll think about him/her every so often, but it’s alright. It’s never nice to live with a “might have been,” but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who’s already married. In which case it’s the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you’re old and gray and reminiscing. But if neither of that is the case, then it’s different. What do you do if it’s not yet too late? Simple find him, find her. Because the very existence of a “the one that got away” means that you’ll always wonder, what if you got this one?

Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn’t matter if you’ve dropped in from out of nowhere. You’d be surprised, you just might be “the one that got away” as well for the person who is your “the one that got away.”

You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won’t make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it’ll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I’m thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, “Hey you, you’re the one that ALMOST got away.”

 love this article even though it was ages ago. when i was reading this it made some sense. it made me think of my current stuff and yeah mabe, why not, and there is nothing wrong with it, go for the one you feel thats right for you. it doesn’t matter who he is. if its him. its him.

Pussycat dolls live in manila!

last night i watch the PCD’s concert at moa concert grounds along with some of my friends. we had a blast and the crowd was so awesome. there were over whelming groups of people from every corners.

LOVED THE NIGHT! one of the most awesome nights i had! 

love the rave lights, the hanapan in the crowd and the ohhh so great screaming because of nicole’s and the other doll’s singing and dancing.

gosh… id turn gay just for nicole. hahahaha… she is suprer and oh so damn sexy. and the dolls are just as good too. loved them all.

by the way i had an awesoe time with mai and ivee when we were waiting for the time of the concert. we ate at tokyo-tokyo, watch ivee kicked an insect from a wall. had lots of fun playing at the seaside. and of course had an awesome lots of picture taken before and during the event.

RANDOM: good thing i brought a spare battery. LOL. nonetheless i loved the night and had fun all the way!

cont. from "friends or…"

the moment i admit that i like you, will be the time that i will start avoiding you.

the almost STUPID mistake. =)

i just returned from my very short vacation and i just have this urge to tell the freaking akward night i had last 21.

so i went to our province to do a little rest and thinking. 

the thing about the 21st of may is that it is the same date every year that temptation smiles right at me at the face. literally.

 ok so there is this dance. i always go with my cousins and some friends. we had some drinks and just talked for quite some time until peopleyou know randomly asks you to dance. *i couldn’t smoke cause im with people that thinks i only drink*(LOL). sothere i am just chatting with people. and randomly receiving drinks from friends and relatives from other tables. 

so someone asks me to dance, and when people sees you dancing they started coming. so there a guy that asks me first and damn he was hot and really cute, we were joking around and laughing while we are dancing. damn those moves he got. i mean yum, but his off limits, cause i heard a lot of bad stuff about him. lol. and there’s my x we had some drinks and danced as well. (i like playing with fire eh). after a while i was just tired of dancing and went back to our table to sit around andhave some drinks again. then i saw this cute gu, im not bragging but he was checking me out, and i dont mind that cause hes just my type. so he raised his bottle and smiled i returned it as a friendly gesture. then some friends pulled me out of my seat and back to dance floor. i was starting to get a little dizzy because we dranked mixed and several beverages. so we were dancing, and just having fun and i saw the guy again. then out ofthe blue my friend introduced us and i was like all smiles. then we shook hands pretty nice hands he got. then we danced together for a while. hahahaha. the music was so in the mood because we started dancing closer. well i know hes sort of not in the range cause he got a companion but im drunk and who cares. so i was literally flirting with te guy. (BAD me) hahaahaha. then out of the blu my x got closer and started whispering stuff to my ear. well that shook me back a little sense and i was like sensing some trouble so i kinda bade to guy first saying im gonna sit first and just waved a friendly and welcoming hand.  after a while we all just went back to the floor.

 when it was time to go home, i kinda want to go home first cause they were still fixing some stuff and i only need to walk a little. so went on first. then the x went to me and started to say things taht would really sound somber. and i was taking some pity. so i just agreed to walk home with him. well being friends from way back i helped him out cause his really smashed.we were holding hands and stuuf. i wouldnt really elaborate. so when i got to front door he was all saying how uch he want the past back and i for a second consider it but well i dont realy like the thought of being paranoid because he got other flings and stuff. so i said ill thjink about it.

so well thats it to make a very long story short i flirted with a random friend of a friend and almost got back with my x out of drunkness. wasnt that effin freaky stupid of me. hahahaha. but oh well. 

i think i am starting to like you…

do you sometimes feel that life played a really big and crazy joke on you?

well, right now it feels that way. 

here’s the catch…

i used to like this guy. then, while i was having this crush with him i was getting closer to another guy that i could really tell that is one of my best friends. let’s name the first one as D and the second one as J. 

I really like D up to now, but i know i cant have him. then there’s J. we always eat dinner together its not something that is really arranged or something it simply became a habit.

so J starts telling you “pano na yan pag ma-in love ako sa’yo?” out of the blue, and all the other stupid stuff he could think about like, ” anu gagawin mo pag hinalikan kita?” . What would a girl with a friggin broken heart feel. So we became closer… but you know what at that time i couldnt even think of an answer cause i didnt really consider it. for me he was just a friend period. 

we are like each others shoulder to cry on. a friend that can be relied on through tough times. someone you can share anything. someone you can do anything with.

so what if something’s starting to arise from this heart and emotions that are mixed up and confused got build up? where does that leave us?

but if you think that that was the catch of everything let me tell you this, i both accused them of being gay. and whats worse is that i told them(D and J) that i thought they were a couple.

well what a messed up thing right? lets just wait up for next time to see what happens….

friends or…

funny how things change so suddenly and one time your so sure of what you want and feel for someone then everything suddenly changes.
you don’t mean to feel something for a friend you really think you wouldn’t feel anything special, but suddenly everything changes.
now, i could really say that change is one constant thing in the world. i still feel something special and i mean really special for anime boy, but the thing is, the college best friend is beginning to enter and make a place for itself in my heart. and i am really giving this a hard thought.

tooks

eto ang aking hs barkada, na pwede ko ding matawag na life partners…  of all friends na nakilala ko up till now, they are the ones that even though you wont see each other that often, the feeling and sense of friendship is still there.

they are the ones who know every secret, problem, accomplishments, happiness, and event that may happen in my life. im willing to share what i desire and feel with the world, but this people know those stuff, even without me telling them what i think and feel.

why did i create this blog?

 why did i create this blog?…

hmmm… one of the reasons is privacy, i have other blog accounts but i want something new and a little private. the next is that i want to have a little space. and this site offer a more personalized domain. I also  need a little place to let myself out.

so… while creating this account i was really into to edge of typing out the words i want to say for a long time…

the thing is that the start of this year is really bad for me… especially my luck. last week has been one of the worst week ever for me. it all started with pictures that have been erased without your knowledge, getting a head on encounter with what you are trying to avoid, getting a call from a person you are trying to run away from. that will just get you and  i was really stressing over petty matters and i was feeling crap.

badluck in love life, schoolwork, family problems, unfriendly encounters, lossing the sense of belongingness.

i might say that if i am the one who will read this blog, i would also say that this is just too shallow. but try having it for a whole week straight ang still counting it. wont you feel pissed off, cheated and just plain wrong.

i love taking snapshots of people and pictures of me with my friends. but when you dont even have a copy of a recent photo you just took and that photo is with someone you really like… grrrr… that is just so great and fabulous! harhar

im a pretty territorial person, my being an only child might explain that part, but i just cant get territorial over something that isn’t yours.  i have someone, a friend, i like him to the point i cant loose him. almost everybody already know that i like him, and i feel that what i feel for him is much deeper than what i am willing to show. but having a friend that almost fell the same way as you do for that someone, will make you put on your brakes. then you would know, that the guy already have a special someone that he is just isn’t willing to let you know. damn thats just too great. then a friend will start teasing you about what you feel and everything will just get too complicated.

then everything will just become pretty unfair. wont you feel that the world is making fun of you? wont you feel that karma has been multiplied over a threefold? wont you feel cheated by fate? 

this post is going nowhere, its just a need to vent out and feel a little calmer. oh! and wait i just want to share that i cut my hair yesterday. one of the ways i feel that my problems might go away.